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California  Geyser 

Vff    N.    MESERVE 


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A 

CALIFORNIA  eEYSER 


BY 


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PUBLISHKD  FOR  THK  AUTHOR  BY 

THE  WARREN   PRESS 

160  WARREN  STRXrr.  BOSTON.  MASS. 

1915 


Copyright.  1915 

BY 
WnXlAM  N.  MiSSRVB 


.--^ 


.-.c,^?  •■'^ 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 


1  The  lecturer  at  first  looks  wise, 

Starts  low  then  takes  a  riser, 
Then  plunges  forth  in  heated  guise 
Then  froths  and  spouts — A  Geyser. 

2  Succeeding  verses  show  some  nerve 

And  possibly  some  fervor; 
Produced  by  William  N.  Meserve, 
A  somewhat  bold  rhyMe  server. 

3  With  verse  the  world  is  overflowed ; 

Helps  this  to  overload  her? 
It's  good  and  justifies  the  ode 
That  yields  a  pleasing  odor. 

4  The  sweet-breathed  calla  ever  shall 

Delight  us  with  its  pallor; 
The  author  wrote  this  book  in  Cal., 
The  State  that  grows  the  calla. 

333900 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 


5  Heaven's  flag  has  waved  since  time  began, 

We  give  it  glad  hosanna; 
To  all  things  bad  it  is  a  ban, 
To  all  things  good,  a  banner. 

6  So  much  depends  upon  one's  goal; 

Must  be  a  self-controller; 
And  every  rightly  ordered  soul 
Less  lunar  is  than  solar. 

7  'Twere  better  much  the  mouth  to  shut 

Than  merely  utter  mutter ; 
Whoever  expletives  with  tut 
May  some  day  stut-tut-tutter. 

8  What  mighty  consequences  cram 

Within  some  little  clamor! 
It's  often  true,  only  a  dram 
Preludes  a  shameful  drama. 

9  A  fine  gift  is  the  gift  of  wit, 

Delightful,  seldom  bitter; 
Whose  wisdom-lamp  when  brightly  lit 
Reveals  a  world  of  litter. 

10     Hats  at  attractive  gold  will  doff 
As  slips  it  in  the  coffer; 
They're  seldom  known  to  call  it  off 
Who  have  a  golden  offer. 


A   CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 


11  This  puts  you,  snuffers  in  a  huff; 

You  rate  me  as  a  duffer; 
Reserve  your  venom  for  the  snuff 
That  puts  you  in  the  snuffer. 

12  And  still  the  serried  armies  grow 

And  multiply  the  more; 
And  to  the  front  they  quickly  go 
To  pour  the  more  their  gore. 

13  Ne'er  everlasting  any  calm, 

Appears  in  course  some  harmer; 
At  proper  sounding  of  alarm 
The  wise  are  seen  all  armor. 

14  In  memory  we  ever  shall 

Our  mother  dear  recall  her; 
Nor  can  there  be  an  interval 
That  will  not  hint  her  valor. 

15  No  use  to  treat  it  with  disdain 

For  nothing  can  be  plainer, 
There  is  no  power  in  weak  champagne 
To  make  a  strong  campaigner. 

16  There's  much  that  loves  the  grovel  groove, 

To  move  it  needs  maneuver; 

But  all  such  takes  a  hasty  move 

When  dynamite's  the  mover. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 


17  Some  matters  rude  may  yield  much  good, 

Somewhat  of  good  things  cruder; 
No  Lion  lairs  in  lowly  Jude, 
Press  on  to  Him  of  Judah! 

18  The  sneak  will  always  dog  the  great, 

Obsequiously  a  waiter ; 
Possessing  just  the  kind  of  trait 
That  blossoms  large  in  traitor. 

19  No  matter  if  the  times  are  calm 

And  soundless  the  alarmer; 
'Twere  well  to  wear  upon  the  arm 
Some  good  defensive  armor. 

20  I  need  but  simply  to  allege 

Without  the  aid  of  wager 
That  I  was  once  an  army  maj. — 
No,  not  the  Ursa  Major. 

21  On  every  hand  is  evidence 

That  grows  the  while  intenser 
That  every  one  of  good  sound  sense 
Should  swing  a  heav'n-lit  censer. 

22  Whoever  will  may  surely  hear 

And  hear  it  growing  clearer, 
Comes  sweetly  whisp'ring  to  the  ear 
A  coming  golden  era. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 


23  No  doubt  the  world  since  time  began 

Has  had  its  propaganda; 
He's  worshiper  of  old  god  Pan 
Who  to  his  sins  will  pander. 

24  Some  learners  have  the  quest  in  eye 

And  show  a  strong  desire 
To  find  what  best  will  edify 
And  hold  a  steady  fire. 

25  How  gladly  we  strong  drink  eschew, 

We  thirst  for  water  pure; 
So  boozing  meets  its  Waterloo 
Before  the  water  lure. 

26  You'd  better  lay  than  raise  a  dust 

For  nought  is  gained  by  bluster; 
When  duty  plainly  says  you  must! 
Then  all  your  forces  muster. 

27  'Tis  grand  to  be  iconoclast 

And  tear  things  down  the  faster; 
Who  stumbles  on  a  bioplast 
Might  need  to  buy  a  plaster. 

28  It's  churchly  light  that's  chiefly  bright 

And  bleaches  darkness  whiter ; 
The  church  when  right  is  heaven's  light, 
Beware  how  you  do  slight  her. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 


29  The  common  scheme  is  take  your  ease 

And  of  yourself  be  pleaser; 
Be  careful  every  prize  to  seize 
And  so  rank  well  with  Caesar. 

30  To  think  is  more  than  "slinging  ink/* 

A  thinker's  more  than  tinker; 
Significant  is  thin  in  think — 
The  sloven  of  a  thinker. 

31  What  cunning  craft  now  skim  the  sky, 

Fulfilling  man's  desire! 
No  bird  so  high  may  hope  to  fly 
Or  spy  a  higher  flyer. 

32  Do  not  expect  a  man  of  rank 

For  "rank  and  file"  to  hanker; 
As  well  expect  a  sandy  bank 
To  charm  a  handy  banker. 

33  So  many  youth  go  to  the  bad, 

Whatever  could  be  sadder? 

On  every  side  we  see  some  lad 

Descend  the  moral  ladder. 

34  The  wish  above  the  earth  to  fly 

Denotes  a  good  desire ; 
Whoever  gains  the  noble  high 
Discerns  a  nobler  higher. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 


35  Much  treatment  by  the  world  is  rough 

And  often  hard  to  suffer; 

When  treated  to  a  hard  rebuff 

Slip  in  a  soft-word  buffer. 

36  The  more  around  the  world  we  rove 

And  look  its  contents  over 
The  more  we  see  how  small  is  Jove, 
How  infinite  JEHOVAH! 

37  Than  prose  or  verse  some  things  are  worse, 

More  need  they  an  immerser; 
Much  prose  is  gross  and  worse  some  verse 
And  ditto  vice  versa. 

38  The  night-life  makes  you  deviate, 

Of  right-life  makes  you  hater; 
Its  wine-cup  makes  you  scintillate 
And  ever  sin  till  later. 

39  On  every  hand  mankind  agree 

And  hold  th*  opinion  clear 
That  tho*  one  have  an  eye  to  see 
He  may  not  be  a  seer. 

40  The  world  is  ever  falling  short, 

Their  structures  constant  totter ; 
Because  they  put  in  place  of  ought 
Lies  soft  as  fur  of  otter. 


10  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

41  If  heaven  is  in  your  heart's  intent 

And  Christ  is  your  Precentor, 
With  Godly  grief  you  must  repent, 
Sow  heavenly  seed,  reap,  enter. 

42  She,  Virtue,  tramples  idols  all, 

Is  free  from  slavish  collar, 
A  long  call  past  the  reign  of  doll 
And  empire  of  the  dollar. 

43  Her  noblest  deeds  are  not  with  foam. 

Writ  small  is  her  diploma, 
And  yet  her  deeds  for  God  and  home 
Are  epics  for  a  Homer. 

44  In  things  of  taste  she  is  acute 

And  easily  a  tutor ; 
Instinctive  knows  what  best  will  suit, 
Who  suit  her  best  as  suitor. 

45  Construct  of  it  a  back-door  mat 

Then  tramp  it  to  a  tatter 
Because  it  is  so  low  and  flat. 
The  stuff  that's  meant  to  flatter. 

46  Be  not  we  beg  extravagant 

In  foolish  talk  and  banter; 
For  Peace  is  e'er  intolerant 
Of  every  folly  ranter. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  11 

47  To  money  bags  men  bend  the  knee 

Responsive  to  their  cheer; 
If  tempted  with  a  greenback  V 
They're  seldom  seen  to  veer. 

48  Water  on  molten  masses  poured 

Is  off  in  steam  'short  order;' 
Heroics  of  a  tinner's  sword 
Will  effervesce  like  soda. 

49  I  like  things  warm  with  right  good  will, 

I  love  it  not,  a  chiller; 
With  all  my  faults  I  love  me  still — 
Small  love  for  the  distiller. 

50  Some  places  need  much  more  than  chill. 

They  need  a  barrel-spiller; 
Is  wanted  some  one  armed  to  kill, 
Some  Jack  the  "joint"  killer. 

51  The  world  they  say  is  derelict, 

Awaits  a  tone-up  victor; 
Is  wanted  something  to  constrict, 
A  mighty  bo'  constrictor. 

52  We  must  to  what  is  right  be  true 

And  make  foundations  sure; 
By  righteous  standards  we  must  do 
If  what  we  do  endure. 


12  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

53  No  one  is  rising  to  deny 

Unless  some  crusty  crier — 
There's  fire  enough  in  brandy  pie 
To  blaze  a  funeral  pyre. 

54  As  says  the  preacher-man  to  you 

So  you  should  be  a  doer; 
For  every  rightly  ordered  pew 
Demands  the  Gospel  pure. 

55  The  lash  will  make  one's  passions  fly 

And  set  him  all  on  fire ; 
Yet  nine  and  thirty  on  the  eye 
Will  not  arouse  his  ire. 

56  How  simple  is  the  primal  act, 

How  swollen  by  an  actor! 
Things  lessen  some  when  they  contract — 
Made  big  by  a  contractor. 

57  Earth's  probe  is  scarce  beyond  the  edge, 

Heaven's  search  is  with  a  dredger; 
Accounts  of  earth  merely  allege, 
On  high  is  kept  a  ledger. 

58  He's  not  beyond  the  childish  stage, 

Can't  pass  the  standard  gauger, 
Who,  worse  then  foolish,  puts  his  wage 
Upon  a  wicked  wager. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  13 

59  Somewhat  of  what  we  may  call  mist 

Is  seen  in  him,  a  mister; 

More  myst-ery  we  do  insist 

In  her  consists,  his  sister. 

60  No  longer  wait  but  do  it  now, 

While  still  remains  the  power, 
To  make  and  keep  a  sturdy  vow 
Nought  harmful  to  devour. 

61  The  earth  by  curse  is  set  apart, 

The  victim  of  foul  barter, 
Whose  drugs  in  Satan's  fatal  mart 
Make  this  poor  world  a  martyr. 

62  How  many  they  who  strut  and  flout 

In  guises  of  the  doubter 
Whose  doubting  doubtless  shuts  them  out 
In  darkness  that  is  outer. 

63  Tis  written  large  in  Wisdom's  book, 

'Twas  folly  that  mistook  her — 
Tis  gangrene  to  the  eyes  that  look  ' 
With  greed  on  "filthy  lucre." 

64  'Gainst  lust  let  all  that's  good  and  j  ust 

All  righteous  forces  muster; 
Forever  every  leering  lust 
Denies  the  soul  its  lustre. 


14  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

65  Things  beautiful  have  mighty  lure 

For  him  the  long  endurer; 
The  pinch  of  little  makes  him  poor 
And  longing  makes  him  poorer. 

66  How  easy  is  the  step  to  take 

From  rightness  down  to  faker! 
How  little  are  the  things  we  make, 
Of  great  things  God  is  maker. 

67  To  be  or  not  to  be  said  he, 

The  bard  of  Avon,  seer; 
With  lapse  of  time  *tis  not  to  be 
With  those  who  booze  on  beer. 

68  On  heaven's  highway  no  rogues  may  stalk 

Nor  any  thievish  walker; 
In  ocean  depths  there  needs  no  lock 
On  "Davy  Jones's  locker." 

69  Success  at  making  common  bricks 

Requires  a  skilful  mixer; 
Whoever  tries  at  man's  "best  licks'* 
Needs  Gospel's  best  elixir. 

70  At  loneliness  we  make  ado, 

No  one  shall  us  immure ; 
Blest  company  e'er  calls  for  two, 
Looks  unto  two  to  tour. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  15 

71  No  day  may  ever  need  be  dull, 

Of  good  it  might  be  fuller ; 
From  Bible  readings  one  may  cull 
What  gives  to  life  its  color. 

72  To  blazing  fires  consign  the  whip, 

Frown  down  the  clown  the  whipper; 
All  right  when  handy  foot  lets  slip 
The  fine  corrective  slipper. 

73  The  liar  when  he  comes  to  die 

Must  quiver  in  the  fire; 
Yet  heavenly  melodies  may  lie 
Within  a  quivering  lyre! 

74  Some  cunning  rogues  are  coolly  cute, 

Related  to  the  looter; 
Forever  seeking  to  impute 

Bright  silver's  worth  to  pewter. 

75  This  has  no  reference  to  you, 

You're  better  bred  I'm  sure; 
But  some  there  are  whose  word  is  pooh ! 
When  asked  to  help  the  poor. 

76  'Twere  well  to  make  and  keep  a  vow 

To  do  what's  in  our  power, 
To  know  how  best  to  live  and  how 
To  use  the  present  hour. 


16  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

77  Inclined  is  she  to  jeer  and  scoff 

When  nothing  comes  as  proffer; 
By  word  and  action  says,  "hands  off'*- 
Unless  a  hand's  the  offer. 

78  MaJiogany  has  hog  in  view 

And  much  of  pigment  sure; 
'Twould  surely  make  a  funny  chew 
But  makes  fine  furniture. 

79  Before  great  schemes  'twere  well  to  bow 

And  seek  for  needful  power; 
Hare-brained  are  they  who  seize  a  scow 
The  mighty  seas  to  scour. 

80  Some  fight  at  dropping  of  a  hat 

And  rave  with  wicked  clatter; 
And  never  end  the  foolish  spat 
Till  blood  begins  to  spatter. 

81  There  is  a  gentle,  harmless  wit 

That  cutely  is  a  hitter; 
Unlike  acidulated  twit — 

More  like  some  soft  sweet  twitter. 

82  Admire  we  those  who  dare  to  fly 

And  up  to  heights  aspire; 
Who  leave  the  ground  and  upward  hie 
To  sightly  heights  sky  higher. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  ,  ,   17 

83  I  knew  a  doctor,  oft  he  chose 

To  hitch  his  chair  up  closer 
That  he  might  use  his  practised  nose 
As  truthful  diagnoser. 

84  Some  things  have  rose-scent  for  the  nose 

But  to  the  eye  brought  closer 
Are  least  suggestive  of  the  rose 
So  hideous  sub  rosa! 

85  If  one  should  seek  me  to  undo 

By  mean  discomfiture 
rd  put  on  him  a  size-small  shoe 
To  make  my  vengeance  sure. 

86  Sharp  lunar  caustic  maketh  whole, 

The  body's  swift  controller; 
The  sorer  ailments  of  the  soul 
Need  caustic  that  is  Solar. 

87  Connecticut  is  ranked  first  rate 

By  every  commentator; 
The  little  nutmeg  State  is  great — 
Near  by  she  finds  a  gr(e)ater. 

88  Have  at  them  with  a  heavy  maul 

Until  enough!  they  "holler;" 
Who  fan  the  fires  of  base  base-ball 
Each  one's  a  low  bass  bawler. 


18  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

89    Great  numbers  have  the  tramping  lust 
And  move  along  with  bluster; 
They  show  unnumbered  specks  o*  dust 
On  every  "exoduster." 

90  There  is  a  word,  'tis  full  of  glee 

And  quite  as  full  of  cheer, 
A  lovely  word,  begins  with  D, 
Completes  itself  in  dear. 

91  The  ne'er-do-well  who  shows  great  lack 

And  ever  grows  the  slacker, 
He  should  be  made  to  toe  the  crack 
Or  hunger  for  his  cracker. 

92  Earth's  noble  prizes  him  await 

Who  crosses  his  equator; 
He  who's  all  talk,  no  operate. 
Is  but  a  sorry  prater. 

•93    Twixt  wing  and  leg  we  instant  know 
Which  pleases  us  the  more; 
Yet  pass  we  by  the  flying  crow 
And  choose  the  running  crower. 

94     It  is  the  never-changing  lot 

To  every  son  and  daughter 
That  what  in  childhood  is  a  "tot" 
In  age  becomes  a  totter. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  19 

95  At  dinner-time  no  one's  inert, 

Is  rarely  found  alerter ; 
The  advent  of  a  good  dessert 
Is  marked  by  no  deserter. 

96  Exceeding  great  should  be  our  care 

To  be  the  right  flag  bearer ; 

That  as  we  on  life's  journey  fare 

*Tis  toward  a  region  fairer. 

97  What  if  what  follows  could  be  true 

'Twould  make  your  fortune  sure : 
The  graces  all  are  found  in  you, 
They  all  in  you  inure. 

98  It's  well  with  each  man  to  go  straight, 

A  careful  operator; 
Beware  how  you  manipulate 
Or  one  may  nip  you  later. 

99  Don't  fly  into  an  angry  heat, 

Much  better  to  be  sweeter; 
Give  sugar  taken  from  the  beet 
Is  better  than  to  beat  her. 

100    That  home  is  surely  on  the  wise 
That's  run  by  no  mean  miser ; 
Among  the  best  of  happy  ties 
Is  found  the  appetiser. 


20  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

101  He  wants  to  do  the  handsome  thing 

And  studies  what  to  bring  her; 
He  hesitates  between  a  ring — 
Or,  better  still,  a  wringer. 

102  He  calls  things  ornamental,  bosh! 

Declares  they  give  him  nausea ; 
Such  fol-de-rol  he  says  wont  wash — 
And  so  provides  a  washer. 

103  Efficiency  is  found  in  few 

Whose  promises  are  sure; 
A  noisy,  blustering  ado 
Scarce  represents  a  doer. 

104  You  give  a  glutton  mild  rebuff 

He'll  turn  on  you  the  rougher; 

He's  made  of  poorest  kind  of  stuff 

Who's  but  a  stomach  stuffer. 

105  Whoever  lets  his  morals  slip. 

The  victim  of  a  tripper. 
May  sometimes  do  quite  well  to  skip 
With  some  outsailing  skipper. 

106  With  some  we  join  in  covenant 

And  some  we  leave  instanter; 

Whoe'er  encounters  can't  and  cant 

Should  leave  them  at  a  canter. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  21 

107  Whoever  is  with  notions  filled 

Will  prove  a  foolish  builder; 

No  matter  how  he  may  be  willed 

They'll  surely  him  bewilder. 

108  There  is  a  great  prize  that  is  high 

That  any  may  acquire; 
At  first  approach  the  prize  as  spy, 
Then  mightily  aspire! 

109  I  seek  for  gold  a  thousand  fine, 

For  Him  the  skilled  Refiner; 
The  Bible  is  the  mine,  and  mine. 
If  I  serve  well  as  miner. 

110  When  comes  some  buzzing  scandal-chat 

Give  it  no  chance  to  scatter 
But  wipe  it  on  the  back-door  mat 
If  'tis  a  trifling  matter. 

111  The  queens  of  song  are  singing  on 

And  each  has  honors  on  her ; 
Whatever  laurels  they  may  don 
Mary's  the  pre  Madonna. 

112  Your  face  against  all  gambling  set 

Or  find  yourself  in  fetter; 
Great  foolishness  it  is  to  bet; 
Bet  not,  "you  bet,"  you'd  better. 


22  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

113  Beware  the  heedless  heartless  crew 

Of  whom  each  one  is  boor; 
Who,  seeking  to  discomfort  you, 
Work  your  discomfiture. 

114  Low-spirited  and  dull  are  you, 

You  hardly  can  endure? 
The  Gospel  gives  to  you  a  cue 
To  point  you  to  a  cure! 

1 15  We  strongly  urge  you  to  be  well 

And  be  a  right  good  ''feller ;" 

But  should  it  come,  a  feeble  spel, 

Call  in  the — ^Webster  speller. 

1 16  The  man  of  words  we're  apt  to  flout. 

Especially  a  shouter; 
What  house  can  do  without  a  spout, 
What  town  without  a  spouter? 

117  The  noisy  world  wears  deep  its  rut 

And  gossips  wide  its  mutter; 
*Twere  well  to  keep  the  mutter  shut 
To  sputter  under  shutter. 

118  Admire  we  him  who's  boldly  brave, 

We  take  him  into  favor; 
He  launches  forth  and  breasts  the  wave 
And  calmly  waives  a  waver. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  23 

119  Not  every  one  who  on  demand 

Is  of  big  fish  a  lander; 
The  man  who  wins  a  propagand' 
He  is  a  proper  gander. 

120  Whatever  instruments  are  in 

The  dinner  bell  is  winner; 

There  is  no  music  like  the  din 

That  calls  us  in  to  dinner. 

121  The  fight  is  on,  its  heat  is  white, 

Incessantly  grows  brighter; 
And  looks  to  see  each  neophyte 
Become  a  hero  fighter. 

122  Countless  around  are  friends  and  foes 

"Like  leaves  in  Val  Ombrosa;" 
And  how  most  properly  to  pose         ,  ^ 
Quite  often  is  a  poser. 

123  The  highways  of  the  world  you  try 

To  see  what  they  require ; 
You  Wisdom  see,  don't  pass  her  by 
She'd  have  you  be  a  buyer. 

124  The  wilful  one  who  will  not  see 

The  blindest  does  appear; 

And  "deafer  than  a  post"  is  he 

Who'll  positively  not  hear. 


24  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

125  Forever  since  man's  world  began 

The  food  that  takes  the  banner 
And  is  most  prof  table  for  man 
Is  heaven's  soul-feeding  manna. 

126  *Tis  good,  yes,  better  is  the  best 

As  seen  by  every  tester; 
The  grand  superlative  is  est, 
Delightf'ly  seen  in  Esther. 

127  Some  leading  men,  their  names  are  blank, 

Took  ship  and  nearly  sank  her; 
Tis  strange  that  men  of  highup  rank 
Should  show  the  lowdown  rancor. 

128  A  "frozen  smile"  however  bland 

Is  to  the  true  as  slander; 
Like  splendid  fruitage  when  it's  canned. 
If  I  may  speak  with  candor. 

129  Eureka!     happily  our  feet 

Pursue  the  path  discreeter 
If  only  happily  we  meet 
Attuned  to  common  metre. 

130  We  search  and  come  at  last  to  see 

One  Lord  alone  appear; 
To  Him  we  gladly  bend  the  knee ; 
No  other  far  or  near. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  25 

131  He  should  be  smitten  on  the  kopf 

And  sent  to  play  the  gopher; 
There's  universal  use  for  loaf 
But  none  at  all  for  loafer. 

132  We  hear  of  ways  the  "drop"  to  drop, 

They're  scarcely  worth  a  copper; 
The  real,  royal  way  to  stop 
Is  stop  the  popping  stopper. 

133  Great  joy  to  some  is  in  a  spat 

No  matter  what  the  matter; 
The  luxury  of  "tit  for  tat" 
Precursor  is  of  tatter. 

134  Some  get  their  passions  all  inflate 

And  think  their  pleasure  greater; 
Some  others  when  they  recreate 
List  well  to  their  Creator. 

135  Heaven's  Architect  is  heaven's  Lord 

Declared  by  heaven's  recorder; 
Before  His  mighty  works  we're  awed, 
Spellbound  to  see  their  order. 

136  Whate'er  you  have  that's  much  at  fault 

Is  something  good  to  alter; 
And  music  is  not  seen  in  salt 
Except  you  make  it  psalter. 


26  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

137  When  what  you  say  gains  a  hurrah! 

Intending  you  to  flatter 
The  danger  is  that  such  eclat 
Degenerate  to  clatter. 

138  Some  little  one  may  be  anoint 

To  join  or  be  disjointer; 
Some  little  sharp  acute  penpoint 
Is  oft  to  great  things  pointer. 

1 39  So  much  to  master  and  to  know 

And  multiplies  the  more; 
The  intellect  starts  strangely  low — 
Climbs  high  while  getting  lore. 

140  Earth's  axis  end  has  long  been  goal 

To  tempt  the  eager  stroller; 
*Tis  claimed  they've  fairly  reached  the  Pole — 
Now  reach  the  star  more  polar! 

141  Perfection's  seat  is  'way  'way  back, 

'Tis  difficult  to  track  her; 
In  almost  everything  is  lack — 
Save  putty  or  some  lacquer. 

142  A  never  ending  faker  host 

This  poor  world  seems  to  foster; 
Impose  a  ruinous  impost 
On  every  such  imposter! 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  27 

143  Sailors  are  held  both  hard  and  fast 

Safeguard  against  disaster; 
The  more  they  are  "before  the  mast" 
The  more  behind  the  master. 

144  Life's  highway  you  are  traveling  on 

Can  lead  to  endless  honor; 
Fight  on  before  your  chance  is  gone, 
Fight  on  or  you're  a  "goner"! 

145  Low  living  loosely,  lacking  light. 

Of  danger  is  inviter; 
Whoe'er  is  living  under  right 

Should  seek  heaven's  Underwriter. 

146  But  little  of  the  earth  is  tilled, 

Her  beckoning  hands  bewilder; 
For  things  uncommon  you  are  billed. 
Arise  and  be  a  builder! 

147  You  wish  to  find  a  happy  home, 

A  home  that's  no  misnomer? 
'Twere  worth  the  while  to  go  aroam 
To  find  earth's  best  aroma. 

148  In  seeming  innocence  she's  wrapt. 

Than  she  there's  none  that's  apter; 
And  when  with  picture  hat  she's  capt 
She  wears  the  airs  of  captor. 


28  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

149  Maturing  youth  has  boyish  craze 

T'impress  the  casual  gazer; 
A  man's  beard  is  his  hope  to  raise — 
To  fall  before  the  razor. 

150  Poor  creatures  we,  we  all  aver, 

Tho'  possibly  in  error; 
When  our  poor  bodies  they  inter 
Will  we  be  found  in  terra? 

151  The  spirit  of  all  wars  is  mean, 

To  spoil  and  render  leaner; 
Where  dispositions  are  irene 
Avoid  they  war's  arena. 

152  Whoever  sees  a  pick'rel  swish 

Instanter  is  a  wisher; 
A  first-rate  place  for  fried  fresh  fish 
Is  in  the  lingual  fissure. 

153  'Twere  well  our  dark  forebodings  ceased ; 

Let  every  one  be  feaster ; 
For  He  who  glories  west  and  east 
Has  glorified  our  Easter. 

154  Invading  firesides  is  no  joke, 

It  wakes  the  moody  croaker; 
Who  says :  The  nose  that  dares  to  poke 
Invites  the  handy  poker. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  29 

155  Look  to  the  sky  they  proudly  say, 

See  suns  on  suns  up  there ; 
That  only  is  a  "milky  way" — 
Down  here's  a  butter  weigher. 

156  Tobacco  chewing's  doivn  to  date 

And  needs  a  swift  abater; 
A  chewer  must  expect  to  rate 
A  vile  expectorater. 

157  Some  women,  few,  strange  garb  assume 

Of  whom  'tis  said  by  rumor 
That  they  have  lost  their  radiant  bloom 
Who  radiate  in  bloomer. 

158  Behooves  me  sure  to  be  discreet 

And  possibly  be  sweeter; 
Need  not  exhort  me  to  be  neat — 
I  am  a  true  "Bean  Eater." 

159  Each  morning,  noon  and  every  e'en 

We  seek  the  way  that's  cleaner ; 
We  crave  that  things  that  would  demean 
Attack  not  our  demeanor. 

160  Keep  calm  and  cool,  be  not  extreme. 

Nor  be  a  foolish  dreamer; 
Have  care,  beware  a  fiery  theme 
That  brings  on  erythema. 


30  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

161  Sweet  sympathy  we  love  to  see 

And  of  it  love  to  hear; 
Serves  noble  purpose  "to  a  T" 
When  glistened  by  a  tear. 

162  Let  them  who  will  some  goddess  serve 

With  much  or  little  fervor; 
More  profit  find  I  in  my  nerve 
Than  aught  from  her,  Minerva. 

163  He  measures  but  a  little  span 

Who  never  is  a  planner; 
He's  "small  potatoes"  of  a  man 
Who  nothing  cares  for  manner. 

164  So  much  the  world  develops  sham, 

So  much  is  merely  glamour; 
So  little  like  the  noiseless  clam 
So  much  like  noisy  clamor. 

165  Awaits  the  world  the  garbage  cart 

To  ferret  every  quarter 
For  slang  just  fairly  floods  the  mart; 
To  that  the  world  is  martyr. 

166  He  well  deserves  some  handling  rough, 

Should  get  it  from  a  cuffer; 
When  prowling  'round  with  sneezy  snuff 
Efface  him  with  a  snuffer. 


A  CALIFORNIA   GEYSER  31 

167  There  is  a  snake  that's  very  bad, 

Regard  it  from  a  ladder; 
We'd  rather  it  subtract  than  add, 
That  poison-dealing  adder. 

168  If  one  I  know  were  only  dumb 

I'd  welcome  him  as  comer; 
He  comes,  finds  in  my  ear  his  drum 
And  plays  the  part  of  drummer. 

169  Some  marshall  wildly  all  their  force 

And  shout  till  they  get  hoarser; 
Their  veins  swell  up  to  varicose, 

Their  speech  gets  coarse  and  coarser. 

170  You'd  better  her  ill  will  abate 

With  some  pacificater 
Or  else  you'll  find  that  lass  irate 
May  use  a  lacerater. 

171  Philosophers  of  great  big  eye 

To  giddy  heights  aspire; 
But  reach  instead  of  heights,  O  my, 
Such  floundering  depths  o*  mire! 

172  Some  kinds  of  hate  are  quite  innate 

Appearing  soon  or  later; 
You  never  can  domesticate 
A  sour-dough  masticator. 


32  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

1 73  Looked  far  and  wide  on  every  side 

My  circle  growing  wider; 
At  last!  I  cried  on  having  spied 
A  real  web-foot  spider. 

174  In  California  they  assign 

Great  value  to  the  miner, 
Requiring  eighteen  forty  nine 
To  make  one  "forty-niner." 

175  Far  better  not  in  danger  go 

Because  you  may  deplore; 
Much  better  not  your  small  skiff  row 
Where  heartless  breakers  roar. 

176  Small  brooks  to  mighty  rivers  lead, 

The  small  to  great  is  feeder ; 
How  singularly  small  the  seed 
That  grows  a  soaring  cedar! 

177  Of  Bible  people  there's  no  end 

Of  those  who  evil  render; 
Among  the  many  "which"  offend 
We  note  the  witch  of  Endor. 

178  In  Death's  hard  hand  the  bow  is  bent 

With  arrow  made  to  enter ; 
At  given  signal  it  is  sent 

And  finds  the  mark  at  centre. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  33 

179  With  drunkards  everything's  aslant, 

They  wabble  as  they  saunter ; 
Upon  a  drunken  mendicant 
You  find  a  men's  decanter. 

180  To  see  the  mountains  many  go 

But  soon  have  raptures  more 
That  multiply  with  O  and  Oh! 
At  sight  of  golden  ore. 

181  On  automobiles  hear  him  dote, 

Owns  one  and  is  a  gloater; 

The  eye  is  mainly  minus  mote 

That  rightly  sees  a  motor. 

182  Who  drinks  too  much  will  soon  or  late, 

And  sooner  too  than  later 
Discover  that  a  dizzy  pate 
Attends  a  dissipater. 

183  Out  to  the  hay  field  blithe  we  go 

And  give  its  work  encore; 
At  scythes  we  sigh  that  grass  to  mow, 
We'd  rather  less  than  more. 

184  If  comes  he  cooing  like  a  dove, 

Persistently  to  hover, 
Then  'cause  we  dearly  love  to  love 
We'll  treasure  such  a  lover. 


34  A   CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

185  He  comes  and  gives  your  bell  a  ring, 

A  wicked  nuisance  bringer, 
Just  send  him  forthwith  traveling 
Forbidding  him  to  linger. 

186  The  risk  by  some  is  counted  great 

By  many  a  cordial  hater; 
They  counsel  ne'er  inoculate 
For  fear  it  knock  you  later. 

187  'Tis  needful  he  should  be  acute, 

A  very  bull's-eye  shooter; 
And  more  than  commonly  astute 
Who  tongues  the  world  as  tutor. 

188  Some  writers  into  passion  fly 

Which  mounts  up  high  and  higher; 
In  hard  polemics  versify — 
A  controversy  fire. 

189  Some  one  has  been  so  mean  to  you 

You  never  can  endure? 
Before  your  final  act  to  sue 
Just — dump  it  in  the  sewer! 

190  You'll  find  him  in  his  chosen  clique 

Against  all  good  a  kicker; 
Of  work  he  never  does  a  lick — 
Save  lick  his  lips  for  liquor. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  35 

191  Some  schools  there  are  of  low  estate, 

Contending  none  is  greater; 
Beware  how  you  matriculate 
Or  they  may  trick  you  later. 

192  Into  each  others  arms  they  fly, 

To  blissful  heights  aspire, 
And  dote  upon  the  binding  tie — 
Until  the  pairties  tire. 

195     When  you  and  I  went  off  to  school 
Our  ardor  soon  grew  cooler; 
Closely  allied  to  prop)er  rule 
We  found  the  handy  ruler. 

194  Music  hath  power  to  quick  the  brain,        '^ 

A  wonderful  constrainer ; 
Against  some  siren's  sweet  refrain 
Be  a  discreet  refrainer. 

195  I  had  a  fowl  and  got  his  mate  "^ 

And  gave  her  to  a  waiter 
To  coop  her  and  domesticate — 
That  same  domestic  ate  her. 

196  Just  as  men  sow  they  always  reap 

And  scarce  a  truth  probes  deeper; 
And  they  who  scheme  and  get  and  keep 
Will  some  day  get  a  keeper. 


36  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

197  Much  talk  on  talk  will  much  befog 

And  little  good  will  augur; 
Contestants  in  such  dialogue 
Will  set  their  "heads  a-logger." 

198  I'm  in  for  harmless  sparks  of  fun — 

Blank  cartridge  kind  of  gunner; 
Materials  and  make  home  spun — 
A  little  weak  Holmes  punner. 

199  Residing  where  volcanoes  hiss 

You  call  it  Buena  Vista; 
Resembles  much  the  kind  of  bliss 
Discovered  in  a  blister. 

200  He  vfho  as  yet  is  but  half-fledge 

Should  carefully  be  hedger; 
Some  f)eople,  instant  to  allege, 
No  day  book  keep  nor  ledger. 

201  *Twere  ever  well  to  guard  the  lip, 

Quick  temper  is  a  tripper; 
Whoever  wears  the  shoulder-chip 
May  soon  feel  far  from  "chipper." 

202  Down,  down  they  go  in  swath  that's  wide, 

A  down  that  is  not  "eider;" 
Some  drink  themselves  to  suicide 
On  alcoholic  cider. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  37 

203  Each  one  is  hailed — wake  out  of  trance, 

Press  on  a  true  advancer  ; 
Who  never  overcomes  his  can'ts 
Will  breed  a  moral  cancer. 

204  But  little  does  he  wet  the  lip 

Who  merely  is  a  sipper ; 
God,  bountiful,  would  have  him  dip 
With  heaven's  great  northern  dipper. 

205  We're  in  demand,  myself  and  you, 

Respond  we  must  for  sure ; 

The  likes  of  us  were  always  few. 

We  fear  we're  getting  fewer. 

206  He  eats  at  will  and  drinks  at  will, 

Of  rightness  is  a  killer; 
He  won't  do  well  but  will  sin  till 
Of  sense  he's  no  scintilla. 

207  For  money  many  fume  and  fret 

And  every  one's  a  sweater ; 
But  riches  sorrow  will  beget — 
Go  slow's  the  better  getter.       * 

208  The  distance  short  and  short  the  time 

And  all  of  it  sublimer — 
He  comes  to  every  kind  of  clime, 
The  aviating  climber. 


38  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

209  You  write,  you  think,  a  melody 

Elxpecting  cheers  t'appear; 

You  feel  quite  sure  of  eulogy — 

They  give  to  you  low  jeer. 

210  Your  mouth-marks  seem  to  indicate 

That  you  have  played  the  traitor; 
And  if  it  was  in  sin  you  ate 
They  are  insinuator. 

211  Mean  gossip  hath  an  aftermath 

That  to  great  harm  is  father; 

Be  sure  and  "tell  it  not  in  Gath" 

Nor  where  the  gossips  gather. 

212  She  is  so  cute  and  elegant, 

So  ready  for  a  banter! 
Beams  on  us  with  a  charming  chant. 
Is  charmer  and  enchanter. 

213  The  way  of  indolence  forsake, 

It  is  a  trouble-maker; 
One  way  to  dissifjate  its  ache 
Is,  cultivate  your  acre. 

214  We  dearly  love  the  modest  beau 

Who  never  is  a  bore ; 
Unlike  the  man  of  wordy  flow 
Who  takes  and  holds  the  floor. 


'^^ibB 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  39 

215  To  stuff  their  stomachs  many  give 

The  labor  of  a  beaver; 
But  they  who  merely  eat  to  live 
Fear  no  rebellious  liver. 

216  Hard  disappointment  in  the  main 

Meets  him,  a  poor  maintainer; 
Whoever  will  "try,  try  again" 
Is  apt  to  be  a  gainer. 

217  The  world  is  full  of  base  "clap  trap" 

And  people  merely  dapper; 
Whose  eyes  mayhap  have  endless  snap, 
Whose  tongue  is  mostly  snapper. 

218  Time  flies  and  ever  fatefully 

And  brings  your  ending  near; 
Give  careful  heed  and  listen  ye! 
Is  this  your  fateful  year? 

219  In  prophecy  the  proper  way 

Is  list  the  true  purveyor; 
It  matters  little  what  /  say, 
List  well  what  says  Isaiah! 

220  So  much  we  need  a  pleasing  tact 

So  much  life's  pleasing  factor! 
It  proper  is  to  be  exact — 
But  not  a  hard  exactor. 


40  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 


221  In  Paul's  great  splendid  three  ranks  one 

Passed  by  by  many  a  shunner; 
FAITH  greatly  helps  life's  race  to  run, 
Wings  on  the  faithful  runner. 

222  One  virtue  helps  us  to  be  brave, 

Forbids  that  we  should  waver ; 
HOPE  has  ability  to  save 
And  has  the  heavenly  savor. 

223  HOPE  has  a  crown,  a  fadeless  wreath 

Of  sweet  celestial  heather; 
Transcends  whate'er  is  found  beneath, 
Its  heath  has  e'er  been  ether. 

224  The  greatest  of  Paul's  royal  three, 

It  floods  the  world  with  cheer; 
It  rhymes  with  dove  and  ends  with  E, 
So  pleasing  to  the  ear. 

225  You'll  find  it  no  uncommon  fate 

As  seen  by  common  data ; 
Men  wide  and  wider  still  dilate — 
Dilating  still,  die  later. 

226  The  hungry  tramp  his  wits  must  use 

To  circumvent  abusers; 
He  begs  and  what  he  gets  he  chews 
Tho*  "beggars  can't  be  choosers." 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  41 

227  No  need  to  be  a  pachyderm 

Nor  ever  much  to  murmur; 

The  way  to  stand  in  terror  firm, 

Stand  on  God's  terra  firma! 

228  To  make  adjustments  study  hard, 

Such  study  is  rewarder. 
'Twere  well  indeed  to  preen  with  nard 
Lest  something  dampen  ardor. 

229  Life's  problem  largely  is  to  thrive 

And  each  must  be  contriver ; 
Who  gains  from  business  would  derive 
Not  driven  is  but  driver! 

230  It's  better  to  avoid  the  path 

Where  evil  forces  gather; 
Escape  we  should  the  path  of  wrath 
And  choose  the  peaceful  rather. 

231  The  mind  diseased  wrecks  not  a  few 

Whose  ailments  are  obscure; 
He  happy  is  who  gets  the  cue 
That  leads  up  to  a  cure. 

232  Bright  minted  gold  men  love  to  see 

And,  getting,  hold  it  dear; 
A  freshly  issued  greenback  V 
Most  people  will  revere. 


42  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

233  Beware  the  swagg'ring  loafer  chap, 

His  goods  aren't  worth  the  wrapper; 
He  isn't  worth  a  rag-man's  scrap 
Who  F>oses  as  a  "scrapper." 

234  Your  bumptious  boy  himself  "allows" 

He  classes  with  the  rousers ; 

Is  more  than  average  he  trows — 

He  pants  to  trundle  trousers. 

235  The  sword  is  emblem  of  a  fight, 

A  tooth  denotes  a  biter; 
What  smites  and  conquers  left  and  right 
Is  pencil  of  a  writer. 

236  To  see  some  things  of  sharp  dissent 

Forbid  by  conscience-mentor 
Should  paint  the  face  of  any  gent 
The  color  of  magenta. 

237  You  never  need  go  far  to  find 

A  prevalent  reminder 
That  they  are  blindest  of  the  blind 
Whose  eyelid  is  their  blinder. 

238  It  may  be  nice  to  "chew  the  rag" 

And  banter  with  a  swagger ; 
You'd  rather  ride  a  crow-bait  nag 
Than  auto  with  a  nagger. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  4$ 

239  Be  careful  what  you  put  on  file 

Else  you  may  please  the  smiler; 
And  only  swell  the  scrapman's  pild 
For  he  is  chief  compiler. 

240  There  is  a  sect  that  worries  me, 

An  insect  'tis,  severe; 
I  only  need  to  see  the  flea 
And  you  would  see  the  fleer. 

241  In  raising  dust  there  is  some  risk 

But  if  it  need  be  brisker 
*Tis  this  would  make  a  royal  whisk, 
A  tattler's  busy  whisker. 

242  Twere  better  much  to  be  recluse 

Than  be  a  license  user ; 
Whoe'er  in  moral  things  is  loose 
Is  sure  to  be  the  loser. 

243  Around  and  'round  is  busy  blat, 

A  never  ending  clatter; 
For  what  they  say  and  call  it  chat 
Related  is  to  chatter. 

244  To  strongest  ranks  do  vict'ries  go? 

Not  so  says  hist'ries*  lore ; 
Oft  victor  he  who  daunts  the  foe 
E'en  tho'  they  number  four. 


44  A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER 

245  By  no  means  is't  an  eagle  scream 

Qr  fancy  of  a  dreamer ; 
The  Stars  and  Stripes  command  esteem 
On  land  or  on  a  steamer. 

246  There  is  a  prize  for  him  who  tries, 

A  diligent  deviser; 
He*s  poorly  wise  if  penny-wise, 
Arise!  get  wise  and  wiser. 

247  *Tis  nice  upon  the  sea  to  go 

And  sail  it  o'er  and  o'er; 
But  fatally  there  is  no  show 
Unless  there  is  a  shore. 

248  There  is  a  way  to  walk  upon 

Where's  found  no  low-bred  scomer; 
Where  one  may  struggle  on  and  on 
And  win  the  crown  of  honor. 

249  In  life's  career  small  chance  for  halt 

Nor  much  its  course  to  alter; 
And  greatly  is  a  man  at  fault 
Who  finds  a  chance  to  falter. 

250  She  seeks  a  hero,  that's  no  sin 

Because  'twas  bom  within  her;  , 
She  needs  to  be  a  heroine 
To  be  a  hero  winner. 


A  CALIFORNIA  GEYSER  45 

251  It's  hard  to  know  just  where  youVe  at 

In  statecraft's  tangled  data; 
It  takes  a  cunning  diplomat 
To  probe  a  deep-low  matter. 

252  They're  not  a  few  we  should  defend, 

Glad  service  we  should  render; 
To  such  we  kindly  should  attend 
Whose  hearts  are  torn  and  tender. 

253  It's  scarce  a  tragedy  to  die 

So  common  to  expire ; 
The  bloody  cross,  that  makes  me  sigh 
Rememb'ring  the  Messiah. 

254  How  royal  is  the  noble  trend 

Of  those  who  rightness  render! 

And  come  they  to  a  glad,  glad  end 

And  more  than  glad  addenda. 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 

LOAN  DEPT. 

RENEWALS  ONLY— TEL.  NO.  642-3405 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 

Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 

Wyy   71969  4 

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